my name is rick, not john

“I’m Nervous About Seeing A Sex Worker”


Disclaimer! I’m not speaking for anyone but myself. These are one person’s experiences.

 I had been divorced for 2 years and was still pretty busted up, since I’d made a promise (which, for the record, I had kept). I had distanced myself from my friends who were still coking and was living in a shack with my Newfoundland, the only remnants of my family left. I had isolated myself physically and spiritually. At some point I realized I was yearning for companionship, and so started cruising the Net. I found a woman on who piqued my curiosity – she was attractive, only a 4-hour drive away, and smoked cigars (my button!). I called for an appointment and learned she was doing doubles with another woman. Jump in with both feet? Why not?

 I arrived at the hotel, a little nervous, and went to the room. I was greeted with kisses, corsets, lingerie, heels, and at that moment I realized exactly how shut down I was. 2 hours with 2 sex workers and I never got my pants off. I left, totally freaked out, and had a nice 4-hour drive home to question every facet of my being. I got home and wrote what must have been a bizarre, rambling email apologizing for wasting the women’s time – I’m sure many SWs have gotten an email like this at some point. I was in a dangerous, unstable place, and was contemplating going off the cliff. Slogging through work, I got a phone call – it was the woman I’d booked with. She asked if I was OK, then asked if I would come over that night just to hang out, talk, and get high. I took the ride again, we hung out, chatted, laughed, and one thing led to another. This woman had no obligation to do what she did, but her concern and empathy may have literally saved my life. I owe her a debt I can never repay. That was 14 years ago (Red Sox Opening Day 2006).

 All sex workers are different, as are all clients. There is a sex worker for every man and woman’s idea of beauty and/or kink. I am unattached and work for myself, so being outed has never been an issue for me. That’s my story. Let’s get to the debunking of unreasonable fears.

 “I’m afraid I’ll catch an STD from a sex worker”

I’m a 1-person business, so I recognize that maintaining a client base requires being professional at my work. When I hear men worry about SWs having STDs, I recognize these men do not have any idea how business is operated. What kind of business would put their client base at risk? Would an electrician leave live wires dangling from a hole in a wall? Would a car mechanic leave lug nuts on a tire loose? Many SWs get tested on a regular basis and most require the use of condoms, both for the client’s safety and their own, because it’s much more likely a client would pick up a bug from a casual hookup than an encounter with a sex worker.


“I don’t want to share my personal information because I’m afraid the sex worker will ruin my life”

I have many thoughts I won’t share on this because I might come off as judgmental, but let’s examine the “ruin my life” thing. A sex worker’s living depends on clients. Outing a client would be the most counter-productive move an SW could make, as many SWs depend on regulars for a large portion of their business. SWs want to see their clients and then send them home until next time – there is no “you belong to me or I’m gonna fuck up your life”. The acceptable exception to this is if a client violates the boundaries of the business transaction – you break the trust, you pay the price. Even then, SWs use discretion – bad clients are dealt with within the community. So let’s compare the risk factor. When clients get “busted”, their lives can be negatively affected, but in 99.9% of cases, it’s the client’s carelessness that gets them busted, not the SW trying to “make trouble”. From the SW perspective, any client can be a physical threat – this is why being screened according to the SWs requirements is necessary. Losing one’s job or home life is a disaster, but is still negligible compared to getting physically abused, robbed, raped, or worse. Criminalization of sex work makes the SW much more at risk by LE than the client, since the client shows up, does their thing, and is gone, while the SW is out there all the time.

 “It’s too expensive”

Tough. So is that new Lexus. There are SWs in every price range. See someone you can afford. If you want to see someone in a higher price bracket, save up. It’s never that sex workers charge too much, it’s that you don’t make enough. Do I get to see every sex worker I’d like to? HAHAHAHA I’d have to win the lottery. I decide who I’d like to see, save up, make my appointment, prepay when possible, show up clean and on time, and have a blast! Don’t make appointments you can’t keep. Don’t be afraid of deposits – SWs have a business rep to uphold and aren’t going to mess that up for a couple hundred bucks. Don’t go in trying to recreate your favorite scene in “Debbie Does Dallas”. You’ve hired a service from someone who is a professional at what they do, and they want you to be as pleased as possible when you leave so you’ll come back.

 “I’m self-conscious of my looks” 

I am no one’s idea of an underwear model, but you know what? It. Doesn’t. Matter. Everyone is sexual, and there is no better way to find your sexuality than to visit a sex worker. Sex workers must be able to read people, not only to be effective at their work but also as a matter of safety/survival. Do your research – there’s an SW out there who knows exactly what buttons to push for any partner. Don’t expect a session to be therapeutic but don’t be surprised if it happens. All you have to do is be prompt, respectful, clean, and just yourself. Well, unless you’re a dick. Then be someone else.

 If you’re still apprehensive after reading this and all the other information and testimonials available, you’re probably better off staying at home watching porn on your computer. Remember to pay for it! 

Thanks for reading. Have a great day!